A Healthy Relationship
Before his book went on to sell 8 million copies, before it was translated into 60 languages globally, before cementing its position as one of Amazon’s top twenty most-read books for 88 weeks straight, Morgan Housel was rejected by every publisher in the US, except one. In September 2020, Harriman House released The Psychology of Money: Timeless Lessons on Wealth, Greed, and Happiness. Since then, it has been regarded as “one of the best and most original finance books,” earning widespread recognition: Bursting with ideas, everyone should own a copy! One of the brightest new lights among financial writers. Housel’s observations often hit the daily double: they say things that haven’t been said before, and they make sense. But before all that, it didn’t make sense. “When every publisher rejected it,” Housel said, “I could very cleanly toggle between, ‘Those publishers have no idea what they’re talking about. This is going to be a great book!’ and ‘Of course they know what they’re talking about. It’s the CEO of the largest publisher in America!’” Housel is one of the world’s best thinkers and writers in his field, but the ability to carry a “split personality,” he says, is essential to success: on one hand, you exude a high-ego, overbearing outlook that says, I’m the shit, I’m really good at what I do, and on the other, a low-confidence, self-deprecating demeanour that thinks, What am I talking about? I have no idea what I’m doing. To “balance those like a Jekyll and Hyde personality,” Housel said, “is a very healthy relationship to have—the humility to know that you need to work hard, and the confidence to know that if you put one foot in front of the other, you can actually improve your circumstances.”
Toggling between the mindsets of self-doubt and confidence, maintaining a healthy relationship amongst your alter egos—that’s the idea for today.
I Love The 1000
Having won multiple world championships and broken many records throughout his career, the American speed skater Dan Jansen was the favourite to win gold. But at the 1988 and 1992 Olympics, he bombed out of both the 500- and 1,000-metre events. So Dan’s agent reached out to the performance psychologist Dr Jim Loehr for help. Loehr was big on recording and keeping track of every variable—diet, nutrition, exercise, recovery, emotional and spiritual issues—that would influence the performance of an athlete. After observing a series of training sessions, Loehr sat Dan down. “Now,” Loehr told him, “I’m going to ask you to do something else, because I know you’re going to resist this one. I want you to write on the top of your training log, ‘I love the 1,000.’” Jansen did not love the 1,000. In 1988, he began the 1,000-metre event with record speed but fell at the 800-metre mark. Then, at the 1992 1,000-metre event in Albertville, Jansen slipped and came in 26th. The alter ego he entrenched for himself was that he was a fast-twitch muscle kind of athlete, not an endurance racer. He was telling himself, on one hand, I’m the shit, I’m really good at the 500-metre, and on the other, I kinda suck at the 1,000-metre, I’m not that guy. “I want you to begin to change your mindset,” Loehr told him, “the story you have around the 1,000, and I believe it can change your life.” “But I don’t love the 1,000,” Dan replied. “I know you don’t,” Loehr said, “but we’re going to recondition the way you think about it and the way you feel about it. And at one point, you’re going to come back and tell me that you actually love the 1,000.” After every training session, in an attempt to develop a healthy relationship with the thing he thought he hated most, Dan would write the words: I love the 1,000. I love the 1,000. I love the 1,000. Just before the 1994 Olympics in Lillehammer, Dan went up to Loehr. “You know,” Dan told him, “I’m actually starting to like the 1,000. I think I like the 1,000 better than the 500.” At the 500-metre event, Dan slipped, costing him a place on the podium. He now had one last shot at the 1,000. With the right mindset toggled—I love the 1,000. I love the 1,000. I love the 1,000—Dan “went into that race simply showing the whole world what a gift speed skating had been for him… to show the joy on his face, how much love he had for the sport, and how grateful he was for the opportunity.”With that, not only did he win his first gold medal, but he also broke the 1,000-metre Olympic record.
“And I began to realise,” Dr Loehr says, “that what really matters, in a really significant way, is the tone and the content of the voice in your head.” The alter-egos we identify with shapes the reality in our life. “The power broker…is the voice that no one hears. How well you revisit the tone and content of that voice in your head is what determines the quality of your life. It is the master storyteller, and the stories we tell ourselves are our reality.”
The Shadow
In the Netflix documentary, Stutz, actor Jonah Hill was asked by his therapist, Dr Phil Stutz, to talk about The Shadow—the flawed and shameful part of yourself that you’re afraid of exposing to the world. “Now,” Stutz said, “visualise a time in your life when you felt inferior, embarrassed, rejected, despondent, that you’re ashamed of. It’s the part of you that you wish you were not. But you are…and you can’t get rid of it.” “To me,” Hill replied, “it’s a 14-year-old boy who’s very overweight, and has acne, and feels very undesirable to the world.” According to Stutz, those who have experienced a traumatic event in the past will possess a heightened sensitivity to the flaws at the root of The Shadow. When we feel the need to hide it, we become hyper-reactive to whether it’s visible to the world. “It becomes an obsession,” Stutz explained, “How do they see me, what do they think of me, do they like me, love me?” But here lies a paradox: the more we do this—the more we fuel the unhealthy relationship between our current and former selves—the more ashamed we’d feel. “But the beauty is,” Stutz said, “once you stop hiding it, you can relax and then you get flow. If you stop hiding your Shadow, if you stop hiding the human part of yourself, you get flow. And that’s what everybody wants.”
Content In Silence
Despite his fame for being the first man to ever run a sub two-hour marathon with a time of 1:59:40 (at a pace of 4:33 per mile), Eliud Kipchoge has a thing about celebrating. He “sees it as something sinister, something dangerous,” Cathal Dennehy writes, “a self-indulgent act that might derail his mindset,” that might make him think that, I'm the shit, I'm the fastest, most successful marathoner the world has ever seen. After the INEOS 1:59 marathon, there was a no-expense-spared party to celebrate his achievement. Kipchoge was present, expressing his gratitude, handing out trophies to the 41 men who’d paced him, followed by a thank-you speech. Then, the DJ fired up the music, the alcohol started to flow, and the food was laid out. Everyone was having a good time. But Kipchoge “didn’t touch a drop of alcohol…and once his speech was made, the man responsible for the entire celebration quietly exited the room, going back to his hotel for an early night.” At the 2020 Olympics in Tokyo, Kipchoge retained his Olympic gold medal with at least 80 seconds in front of his closest rival. Tradition requires that medallists be awarded at the Olympic closing ceremony, so Kipchoge and the other two marathoners were flown to Tokyo that afternoon. Left in a room with hours to wait, the other two medallist did what most people would do: they used their phones to read the congratulatory messages, check social media, or connect with loved ones. Kipchoge placed his phone in front of him and sat quietly, content in silence, for hours. All this begs the question: if he can’t toggle between his alter egos of conquest and humility, to celebrate when it’s time to celebrate, to be humble when it’s time to be humble, “when is Kipchoge truly content?” “Maybe that’s the thing about all-time greats,” Dennehy writes, maybe in the pursuit of success, “they never are.”
Uh Oh, They’re Going To Find Out Now
“Each time I write a book,” the author Maya Angelou once said, “every time I face that yellow pad, the challenge is so great. I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody and they’re going to find me out.’” Self-doubt isn’t necessarily an obstacle. It can be a companion to confidence. It can keep arrogance in check while still allowing action. It can be a healthy relationship to have in your life.
